Giving the Spit and Polish to Entrenched Mediocrity

The Colleen Walbran Annual Report

2000

Greetings, Friends.

I tried to get a celebrity or Malcolm to write this introduction to my first annual report.

This has been a year of few surprises and some outright failures, including a brief problem I had with which one means greater than and which one means less than.

I became a lawyer this fall and recently got my attorney license in the mail. When I saw that there was no badge in the envelope, I immediately called the board of law examiners. They told me to stay put and wait for a white van.

My credit card limit was raised to $600.00 this year. I can now afford toast or bread.

In other news, I invented five new jigs this year. But they are only distinguishable by what I am thinking when I perform them.

Since this text can only tell you so / too much (circle one), I will allow the figures on the following pages to speak for this year.

Love to all.

Colleen

This is a pie chart of how much pie I ate.

This is a bar graph of how many bars I went to.

This is a scatter chart of my thoughts this year.

Next Steps: 2001

1. Be friends with Beck or someone named Beth and say her name fast when referring to her.

2. Become more vigilant about using cursive.

3. Become a vigilante who uses cursive.

4. Invent the world’s first human air hockey table.

5. Make sure to invent puck shoes.

6. Put the hurt on a boy band.

7. Buy the megaphone at Radio Shack that has every state’s fight song programmed into it and go to the airport.

8. Finally host that bike rodeo.

9. Get a bike.